Movie Title:Slayer

Average customer review:

BEING AN AVID Scare FAN I BOUGHT THIS MOVIE NOT EXPECTING TOO Noteworthy AND I

GOT WHAT I EXPECTED. CASPER VAN DIEN SEEMED UNABLE TO Reveal Powerful INTEREST IN

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HIS ROLE BUT, HE WAS NOT ALONE. I GAVE THE MOVIE TWO STARS BECAUSE OF THE

TWO OUTSTANDING CHARACTER ACTORS IN THIS MOVIE, TONY PLANA, AND DANNY TREJO

WHO ARE ALWAYS WORTH WATCHING EVEN IN A PLASTIC MOVIE LIKE THIS. Set Aside YOUR

MONEY THERE ARE A LOT BETTER B GRADE MOVIES OUT THERE. I’M LEFT WONDERING

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HOW THIS ONE GOT RELEASED.

Slayer (Kevin VanHook, 2006)

The most keen thing about Slayer is that it contains the least convincing fight scene since Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter. When that’s the best thing you can say about a movie, it’s fair dreadful.

I realize that most of the top cast in here are fair distinguished for being abominable actors. But was Lynda Carter always this unpleasant, or does she impartial turn in the worst performance of her career? I don’t judge I’ve seen her in anything but commercials for twenty-five years or so, so I really can’t remember. The improper thing is that the rest of the cast is so poor that Carter’s Razzy-worthy performance is about par for the course. In fact, the majority of this cast is so terrible that they almost construct the worthless Casper van Dien observe qualified. Kevin Grevioux may actually be the worst actor I have ever seen in a movie. He desperately wants to be Ken Foree. He fails in every respect.

As for what passes for a position in this farce: an army unit, headed by Hawk (van Dien) and Grieves (Grevioux), somewhere in the remote jungles of South America, is attacked by a band of vampires– ninja vampires, no less– who aren’t timid of daylight. (Daywalking is the only change to old vampire lore here, despite one vampire’s assertion during the film that the “fairy tales” got almost nothing honest.) Six months later, nearby villages are being raided, and the army’s sending in original troops. Grieves is already in South America, and Hawk is on the next boat. You know what happens.

About the only reason to survey this movie is that Danny Trejo has a miniature role in it, and is his usual self. Otherwise, this movie is trite, badly-acted, badly-scripted, with diminutive attention paid to such things as cinematography, place produce, or costuming. In other words, there’s absolutely nothing of substance to recommend here. I’m giving it half a star because it’s not overtly offensive, but if you do gape it, you’ll extinguish up thinking, “there’s two hours of my life I’ll never bag attend.” (half)

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